Who Would Win?

Who Would Win?

Slug OR Salamander?

Stalky, studded Salamander

With those sinewy arms,

Smearing then stemming,

Like the Free Solo you are,

Against the rock on a horizontal slab

Steady in your scamper to safety

***

Soapy, sodden Slug

Soggy sock,

Spewing a green snotty substance,

Stuck between my thumb and forefinger

Slime or be slimed is your motto,

I would squeeze you HARD if I was six

***

Salamander, sandwiched between my fingers,

Secreting tetrodotoxin from your superhero skin,

Sneaky trick if I say so myself!

Good thing mom told me to stop sucking you,

When she did.

***

Slug, the banana disguise and your cool cat Santa Cruz Sponsorship,

Does not fool me one bit!

I am onto you.

Slimey all over,

My tongue is numb just thinking about you,

Aestivating all over – bubbly and soiled,

But withstanding the dryspell, you can!

Eyestalks giving me the heeby jeebys,

Stop staring at me like that! Right now!

I mean it! Stop it!

Sensing all my sudden movements,

If I tear one of those tentacles off,

You’ll just grow another,

Then you’ll go off and stick your penis into another slug’s penis,

And secrete seventy-five silky eggs,

Stowaways for another season.

I have to say,

I am jealous of your radula,

I want rows and rows of microscopic teeth to scare,

Away varmints and flesh-eating bacteria

Still, not so sure about your two-hour mating ritual,

And grand finale is even more questionable.

***

Slug or Salamander?

Still, not sure?

Well, how about a race to solve this conundrum for good?

Slide up to the starting line,

On your marks,

Get set! Go!

Sedated and stolid,

Slug slinks ahead,

Stooped by something,

Salamander scoots back,

Sanguine slinky slug slips and slides forth,

Static Salamander grips rock,

Scooting, scooting slug sleeks ahead

Salamander looks up and sets his mind on the prize,

Smearing and stemming,

Secure in skill and stature,

Salamander has strides,

Slug inches by,

Together they make it,

To the other side,

Just before my SNEAKER

Stomps them Bye, Bye!