A Song for Foxy

Song for Foxy after hours of waiting for chores to be done and lap time to begin.

I’m giving you my full attention,

Giving you my full attention,

Giving you my full attention,

Meow!

Meow! Meow!

Meow! Meow!

Meow, Meow!

Repeat!

Spring Break

Blissfully burning stuff,

Rocks, sticks, brown paper bags, 

a dryer drum on a frigid springbreak morning,

Let the science experiments begin,

Marshmallows blow up into billowy clouds,

Homemade hotdog charcoal,

Wonder bread can really release some heat!

Mom says no VOCs allowed!

They fan flames with frisbees,

sending whorls of smoke up into the canyon,

Blythe screenagers breaking from their hard days work scrolling the tube,

They never knew time could fly so fast!

Thanksgiving

 

Thanksgiving was always your holiday

We would smash ourselves into a Corolla or whatever,

get all amped on caffeine,

to do nothing other than sit in a parking lot on the Altamont Pass,

for about 3 hours.

You are never going to get to Southern California in less than 8 hours by car the day before Thanksgiving!

There was the Thanksgiving I drove on an icy and fluttery Tejon Pass,

There was another I drove through an Atmospheric River,

We ate lots and lots of In n’ Out Burger, Starbursts, and Starbucks all the way down the 5.

When we arrived there was a mad dash to get the meal ready..

Cranberries in a can, Cranberries from a bag,

So many differences in opinion..

You started ordering pies from Polly’s

Greg wanted to make pies,

We still made Rice Krispy treats.

Hayley always makes the best Rice Krispy treats.

She knows how to use buttered wax paper on a wooden spoon.

We made Rice Krispy treats this time too, they were gone the first night.

This year, it did not seem like we were going to get together.

The election just happened.

We just dodged the apocalypse but the liberals and conservatives were feeling an all-time low

appreciation for one another.

And, you had just braved a round-trip 5-hour plane trip to a tropical paradise,

And surely you would need some time to recuperate for the Christmas holiday.

But no.

Your holiday is Thanksgiving.

And that is that.

Keep it Simple, Stupid - you would say to me,

when I would try to whip up chaos,

Or change things that did not need to be

Different..

But this year, you made it happen,

The way you always did -

“Just put it in a bag!”, you would say,

"Turkeys!!!"

"Get down here!"

So we did,

we all came.

It was a push and a pull to get you out of bed,

But you wanted the curtains pulled and the sliding door open,

You asked to go outside,

And you did some trimming of the bushes with Duane. 

On the actual day,

Alex, Hayley and Stevie helped you get jazzy in your cream button up

blazer, linen pants and baby blue cotton blouse.

You joined us in the living room,

and swayed to Dolly Parton.

Bella barked at Karma.

You wore Duane’s pink Trucker Sun Solutions cap,

You looked super cute in that hat. 

You cradled Teddy, your 6-month old great baby grandson in your arms,

You put on such a bright smile when I asked for a selfie with you.

I won’t mention the pissed off parts - the nurse that wanted to help,

But you knew it was your last Thanksgiving,

So get the fuck away! 

You would say…

And you were damn right,

to be pissed that day.

But you can rest in a gentle,

warm and satisfying peace 

knowing that we all came together,

that day,

Just how you had wanted.

Made peace,

And love

Over everything else..

So you can finally let go,

And let us be the grownups

You intended us to be someday.

Awakening

 

After an hour of arousing her from a 16-hour slumber,

With dry lips and cottonmouth

She takes in drops of water from a straw..

Few words she is capable of voicing show us she is still aware of everything...

I point out to her that Hayley is here. 

She looks up and mutters “Hi”

I say, “here comes Duane”,

He says, “I love you Mom”

She whispers, “I love you”

Her arm escapes the covers,

Shaking wildly, 

I grab her hand, it is very warm, and keep it from quivering,

She reaches for the back of her head to smooth her hair down,

I help her tease apart a few knotted strands in the front of her head.

Her 6-month old baby great grandson approaches her bed

Mama Alex bouncing him in her baby carrier..

Grammie whispers “Sweetie!, Sweetie!”

Oh, and there she is, coming back to us -

As more drops trickle into her mouth,

And a spray she loves, helps to lubricate her dry tongue, 

Now she is able to share more of her thoughts...

I ask her if she would like some juice,

She says “Yes”

What kind? Kristy says there’s some Splash juice.

So she brings it to her bed,

Duane pipettes drops of Splash juice between her lips,

Mom whispers, “tasty”

We brighten with her approval

She whispers, “down my cheek”

Duane says, Oops! And wipes her cheek.

All the family, one by one, visits her bed,

Stevie pops her head next to Grammie’s, along her left side in the bed,

“Hey girl” says Stevie

“Hey girl” whispers Grammie

Grammie takes in more Splash juice..

Zennen and Finn come in,

I say, “Mom, Zennen and Finn are here”,

They say, “Hi Grammie”

She says:

“Where have you been?”

Zennen tells Grammie about his new job, his travels to Taiwan and Thailand, and applying for college.

Grammie listens to him.

He says “I love you Grammie.”

Grammie whispers “I love you, too”

I ask her if she is hungry,

She says, “Yes.”

I say, do you want to eat something?

She says “Yes.” 

I ask her if she wants to eat an In and Out Burger?

She says, “Yes, a cheese burger.”

I ask her if she wants it with onions?

She says, “Yes.” 

I say: “grilled or raw onions.”

Tom pipes in, “Grilled!

I say, and a coke?

Tom says a “Diet Coke.” 

I ask Zennen if he can go get In n’ Out for everyone.

He jumps up - “Sure.” 

Grammie whispers, “He’s not driving my car”

I say, “don’t worry, he can drive my rental.”

Curtailed

These curls are a curse,

all crooked and kinky,

capricious as hell-

one day tight and slinky,

the next frizzled and fried.

A chameleon reading my tumultuous mind.

They are a collective bunch,

clumping together, climbing positive charges into the sky-

They express my moods, my hormones,

my spastic elastic. 

They curtail my every move.

They catch mosquitoes, moths and butterflies,

They are reactive to touch, to brushes and combs,

If you pull them hard, they will pound you to the curb,

They are not my fault, my doing, they came to me when I could hardly notice,

My mom tried to show me how to blow them out,

But I’m too lazy or maybe I don’t give a damn that they’re there,

poking out of my head, like me, they cease to relax,

Their circuitous path to life is exhausting but we share in that indulgence,

and even crave the chaos,

channeling potential energy,

they spiral upwards and downwards,

not neat, 

not tidy,

is how I like to be, and they will be,

just like me. 

A New Normal

 

Baby fine hair recently dyed red,

strands cut sharply at her chin,

not a single white one sneaks through,

tangles in the back congregate where her head laid against a hospital pillow all day.

Her eyes closed; finally,

resting peacefully,

curtain pulled all the way around her bed,

offering a layer of insulation from

busy voices in the hall.

A bench in the window,

I figure out how to turn off the light,

I stretch my legs out, lean back, and close my eyes tight