Summer Camp! Here We Come!

Summer officially started today for Zennen and Finn, as did summer camp! We made sure to get them there as early as possible to avoid any transition issues from school to camp. So, at 6:45 AM, Zennen was putting in his 100% at Sneak- On Computer Camp. At first, I did not quite get the hook to this camp. Why not just call it what it is, “Computer Games Camp”, Right? But no, they are so in-tune with entering middle schoolers that they have designed a camp where these kids literally have to figure out how to sneak onto a computer without being caught. They have obstacles such as computers needing chargers that are hidden away in deep crevasses of dilapidated furniture. What is hilarious is that when I arrived, they even had camp counselors sleeping in another room to pretend they were parents unable to wake up from their Friday night date night! Brilliant! iPads are the most desirous and challenging as they are tucked underneath the counselor’s pillows. The camp was such a perfect fit for Zennen I did not need to worry about sending him there with a buddy. Within three minutes he was downloading “Tankie” on a dinosaur-sized Toshiba he connected to the internet via a pirated blue-tooth connection.  

After an hour of Sneak-On Computer Camp, Zennen and Finn embarked on their next organized adventure, Bee Chase-Capture-and-Release Camp. In Berkeley, this camp is super hard to get into because of the endangered honey bee as their focus species, and because this camp is supposed to accelerate childrens’ spatial organization and echolocation. I was on the waiting list since freak’n January. Since a spot opened up for each boy we jumped at the opportunity to nail down this niche skillset and spewed forth the $450 camp fee per kid. They had to bring their own Ziploc Twist and Loc container for this camp. At one point, Finn bragged of being the only kid who captured twelve bees at once. The brothers designed their own explosive device, most likely from all of the YouTube videos they watched in their Sneak-On Computer Camp. It involved ever so slightly unzipping the screw top Ziploc container – but not all the way! Next, they threw their containers up into the heavens. It bolted down and blasted into dizzy bees and flying scrap plastic upon impact. Neither boy got stung. Sweetness! I can’t wait until tomorrow’s “Wasp Nest Infiltration” and Wednesday’s “Who can stroke a bee the longest without getting stung” themes.  

Since Bee Chase-Capture-and-Release Camp is an early let out camp (8-10 AM), I had to sign them up for a camp that could accommodate our schedule. We stopped in at Camp Gastronome. Finn immediately cut peaches into half-moons and placed them delicately onto a timeless Corning Ware botana plates with a single slice of salame forming a turnpike for the sugary slivers to rest against. Zennen, bon vivant from infancy demanding organic strawberries by the basketful, demonstrated mastery of the manual can opener to free the dolphin-safe tuna from its dreary tin can. His deliberate move to add a full tablespoon of mayonnaise and generous teaspoon of salt and dash of pepper to the pulpy delicacy made the bread feel as if it were baked just that second. Camp Gastronome ended as abruptly as it began with the inhalation of all of the displayed delicacies by mainly Zennen and Finn.

I anticipated overconsumption at "Camp Gastronome", therefore I signed up Z and F for a midafternoon camp to ready them for the real-world. At Bike-Repair Camp, campers become apt at using tools such as toothbrushes, air pumps, and tricksy innie or outie valves.  Finn was particularly observant of the iron oxide disappearing upon the application of oil and ardent brushing. The little chemist wondered aloud, “is the iron going away”? Later that day, it seemed appropriate to boom “All we are is dust in the wind” by Kansas on our way to late afternoon Target Scavenger Hunt Camp. You see, under the tough tattooed exterior of the "Bike-Repair Camp" counselor’s forearms and earlobes is the mastermind objective of intertwining bicycle chemical underpinnings with its form and function. Only in Berkeley can one find a camp that so relates with a child’s need to physically construct and deconstruct matter as part of their concept of summer self. Since we have not had a chance to ride bikes all year so far, we had to stretch both our limbs and our imaginations to feel one with wheels. Tearing away cobwebs in the spokes and gears and chanting Fabinacci sequences helped them recapture connections with their bicycles. Two wheels good, one wheel bad. I am grateful of the spiritual aspects worked into "Bike-Repair Camp". The coolest thing ever, is that the Bike-Repair Camp folk have a partnership with "Bike-Around-Town Camp" so the campers can have an immediate excursion/adventure on their newly fixed bikes! Without even signing a second release form, Zennen and Finn were on their recently rejuvenated bicycles and busting out their full speed rotations on the Berkeley Greenway.

By 1 PM, "Bike-Around-Town Camp" landed at a merger camp location shared by the Berkeley Chess Club Camp which was Thousand Oaks School. Our camp kids may not have had the cool tie dye shirts those chess geeks were sportin, but they probably intimidated them when they strode right onto campus practically tipping over their bigger than life chess set propped up in the middle of the quad. Ah, those poor chess nerds, stuck on the steps in precise rows and columns for a glamour shot while my choice of biker gang camp, I mean "Bike-Around-Town Camp" enabled my kids to build a different type of confidence than pure smarts. At Thousand Oaks, Z and F hit another juncture: a lapse between the end of Bike-Around-Town Camp and Parkour/Basketball Camp. Well, I just told the kiddos to eat their tuna sandwiches in this waiting period. It worked out perfect because it took them exactly 5 minutes, the time of the lapse, to slurp down the pate and bread smashed together.

Finn dominated "Parkour Camp". He let me follow him around a bit. I tried desperately not to fall into hot lava and was semi-successful, even at the tipsy turvy balance beam section. Since I did not realize I was suppose to not put my feet down, even on the playset floor, I did not score an extra billion points like he did. Whereas Zennen was happier at this juncture to do his "Solo Basketball Camp" where each kid has free range at their own hoop. I attempted to mingle with him for a short game and he all of a sudden made like six-3 pointers and told me he had reached the requisite 21. My layups were weak against the swishing of 3-pointers so I joined Finn in his "Tether-ball Camp" that started at 2 PM.

My favorite camp of the day began at 2:30 sharp. This was the "Journeys to Ice Cream Camp". Each day, a new journey to a new delectable frozen dessert in Berkeley or bordering towns. Kids are equipped with earbuds and hum “don’t stop believing” in unison. The ice cream of the day was i Scream. 21 FREAKIN dollars later, without a single gummy bear, sprinkle or cookie dough ball, Zennen, Finn and I were biting homemade ice cream from a funnel cone. The concoction was admirable in its simple Thrifty Drug Store selections of butter pecan and mint chip and how it buckled up into a proper cold dense scoop but MY GOD 21 bucks for three doubles! So, on top of camp fees parents have to upchuck the necessary scoop fees. I look forward to the other ice cream journeys in the week to the less gourmet ghettoy parts of Berkeley.

Thank goodness I was able to pick up Zennen and Finn later than the standard 3 PM pick up time, it just costed me an extra $250 per week per child. But at "Target Scavenger Hunt Camp", kids have a bit more freedom to roam the vast jungly aisles and corners at this indoor sanctuary. Not that it gets to those heatstroke temperatures of nearby San Ramon and Walnut Creek, but every kid deserves a bit of fresh air conditioning and space to be creative. Target offers both of those critical needs for kids. From the dollar section, Lego section, bouncy ball section, chips n' dips section, numbing creams section, my kids get their needed exercise and social interactions. I wait for them at Starbucks sipping on a dirty chai latte and reading over my Target Red Card receipt and ponder how two ten gallon containers of Tidy Cat litter, pool squids, three squirt guns, Hawaiian Tropic sun tan lotion, giant bouncy ball, two tennis rackets, tube of tennis balls, popsicle molds, 9 rolls of paper towels has reached a sum of $131.62 after using my 5% Red Card discount, damn!

Welp, here they come running now. I guess that makes our first day of camp a success. Their cheeks are more than slightly flushed. I realize the red is not just on their cheeks but is smearing around their lips and between their eyebrows. What is it? Free Otter Pop unfrozen samples in the new food section. So much for working them out at camp – I guess we’ll have one more stop at the track to work off some energy from Target Scavenger Hunt Camp. After that, we should be ready to rock n’ roll to bed and camp again tomorrow!